did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
