I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
