yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
