were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
