Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
