miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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