I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
