who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize