OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I came so hard my ears popped.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
