this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
