well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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