I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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