i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
