We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
