oh god the rape fog is back!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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