Can Purell be used as lube?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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