MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
