I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize