I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
