I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
