Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
