This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
