Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
