Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
