I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
