you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize