so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
