So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
