I accidentally had phone sex last night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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