you guys were way drunker than both of me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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