I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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