One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
God, I missed his penis.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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