Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't make out with my wife yet
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
