I can't watch pbs sober anymore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
