you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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