Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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