i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
