Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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