I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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