Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
