Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
