new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
