Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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