it hurts more in the daytime
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
