Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
