Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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