My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
