why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
