that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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