kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
