:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
