In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
