I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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