Don't you send me to vm
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
