You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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