what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
