who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
