I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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