she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
