I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
