and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
