Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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