oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
