Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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