i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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