I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize