I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
