My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I party with great urgency now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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