Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
