You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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