I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
