He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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