So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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