I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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